Good morning! I woke up in a hotel. I’ve actually been awake..
Added 2020-11-19 19:23:32 +0000 UTCGood morning! I woke up in a hotel. I’ve actually been awake since 5:30am. I guess this is my life now; asleep by 9pm or earlier, waking with the sun. I’m in a big bed, on my 3rd cup of coffee, and my 3rd cry. I’ve accumulated a lot of emotion, and have been feeling a need to release. We’ve been going hard, and it’s not that we haven’t been present in the moment, but I haven’t had a lot of time to reflect and... just *be* in all my feelings. I’m at a place in my life of radical commitment to self, so if I don’t allow myself to feel all that is within me, I start to experience claustrophobia in my own containment. We decided to spend the day in this hotel room, allowing ourselves rest, reflection, and decompression. We can see Mount Shasta from our hotel window, dancing in and out of the clouds. A fluctuating flow of light and dark. There are many indigenous stories about the healing energy of this mountain — people from all over the world travel to her to witness the magic. Is it coincidence that this is our last stop? Normally, I’d be craving to be outside — exploring, seeing, doing. But right now, this is enough. No, not just enough. It’s perfect. I am grateful. To have a body that can withstand a 10 day road trip. To have a body that is capable of hard things. To have the resilience to bend, flow, adapt. To have a best friend that I can bare my soul and body to without shame or judgement. To be collaborating and creating art with her — in landscapes that evoke a rawness that cannot be performed. To have her here with me capturing it on camera. I am grateful to be where I am. Not just here in this hotel room, hearing the crackling sounds of butter from the balcony, where my friend set up the camp stove to prepare a breakfast with whatever food we have left. But — for this incredible life journey I unknowingly began at 23 — when I got so sick, my entire life trajectory changed. Today is about honoring that, and each step that got me here.
