Been sitting with a feeling today that I wanted to share wit..

Been sitting with a feeling today that I wanted to share with y'all. This time of year is really hard for me. It's hard for many. The sun goes down so fast where I live. It's almost always wet. The days feel like nights because of the clouds and grey skies. I feel so desperate for light, for sun. And I know it's just beginning; after all, it's only November. I can do the right things. I can take my supplements, use my little SAD lamp, sit by my fireplace, try to rise with the sun, and convince myself, it's okay, this is cozy. But to be honest with you all, I'd rather escape this. Part of why I wanted to do a road trip in December (so shortly after getting back from the first one) is because I really don't like being here this time of year. This will be my 3rd winter in the PNW, and I don't think it's something I'll ever quite "get used to." Of course I'm excited to be home, have rest, and routine. All the things I mentioned in my post earlier. But yeah, don't we all want to escape the dark and be in the light? A friend/healer of mine shared something with me years ago that I'm reminded of every winter when I start to feel this way. A range of emotion is okay. It's necessary. And always feeling light and happy is not only unrealistic, but being unkind to yourself when you're feeling other emotions is actually pretty dang harmful. We should honor where ever we are. Now, this isn't to say, being depressed is 'good' - but always trying to escape, run, and flee the darker feelings or moods *can* be a harmful act of suppression. 'Escaping' to the desert (or better yet, a warm tropical beach) isn't attainable right now. But quiet rest, reflection, and embracing the seasons of darkness (and honoring my own darkness) is. And ya know, it may not be comfortable, but I think it's where I'm called to be. Being sick and isolated through much of my 20s absolutely brought me an appreciation for stillness. I attribute that time to being able to get back in touch with my inner voice, intuition, and largely, why I've been able to make tremendous strides in my health. My default is busyness. My default is part personality, part of my own neurosis, and part social conditioning. Honestly, maybe mostly social conditioning. I don't want to be "busy." I don't want to try to escape myself. I can be held by my own light, if I'm brave enough to listen in the dark. We innately hold so much truth and wisdom inside ourselves, but first... we must be brave enough to face the dark. Then we must be brave enough to ask.