I mailed a huge box of Bella’s things (including her two bed..
Added 2021-04-12 16:27:02 +0000 UTCI mailed a huge box of Bella’s things (including her two beds) to my family’s house. I opened it with Chloe and Moose last night, and it was beautiful and cathartic. After sniffing her things and wagging tails and looking at me like “is it really her?” they each settled into the beds, even though Moo barely fits. They miss her. I know they still feel her, but we all deeply miss her. This is my first time back since her death. There is more activity than ever on the farm, but to say Bella’s physical absence isn’t loudly felt, would be a lie. But, it’s not as ‘hard’ as I expected, and I am allowing the waves of grief, honoring each feeling that comes with or without warning. I encourage you to let yourself feel the fullness of what you’re feeling. It can be scary at first, but when you truly honor yourself in this way, feeling turns to power, trust, intuition. Bella’s death transmuted, unlocked, and revealed some of my deepest wounds. My sweet cuddly earth healer is now my spiritual teacher. Before her death, I wondered if I was truly a channel, a healer — could I trust my clairvoyance? Could I trust my intuition? Could I trust *myself*? And if I stopped holding myself back, who would I become? Bella taught me it’s not about becoming. It’s the unravel. It’s the remembering. “All truths wait in all things” — I got this tattooed on my arm in 2013. I didn’t even know what it meant to me then. It didn’t matter. One day it would come to light.
