TW: Death I shared the story of Bella tonight with someone. ..
Added 2021-05-10 06:58:31 +0000 UTCTW: Death I shared the story of Bella tonight with someone. It's been almost 4 months since she passed away. Sometimes I feel her in the room and it startles me. I look to my feet, and I expect her physical body to be there. Sometimes I half-wake in the night and reach for her in my bed. I think of her all the time. I'm so grateful for when I lucid dream and connect with her in the astral. The last time I spoke to her in my 'dreams' she told me to place my hand on her heart. It was beating normally - healthy, strong. No murmur. She conveyed to me - "I haven't left you. I'll never leave you. My heart is just healthy now." My hand was also on her heart the moment it stopped beating in Jan, during her unexpected natural death. I took her ashes to Texas, but I couldn't bring myself to do a ceremony when I was there. I trust I'll know when the timing is right... But I couldn't do it. And I can still feel her exact weight in my arms. I haven't held her in months but I know precisely the weight. Grief is so hard. It's so unpredictable. And as I uproot my life, and make all these changes, and cast myself into the unknowns -- I know that in so many ways, she set me free. I know many won't get it - and that's okay. She was my dog... She was my healer. She saved my life. She was my best friend. And she was my baby. I've never birthed. But I have always resonated with being a mother. I miss her.
