๐ซ April 2020 ๐ซ
This was a spring of major transformation. It was uncomfortable and unfamiliar, but it was time to learn all over again who I really wanted to be. I was still stuck, I felt like I was being held prisoner to the patterns of my health. But if I'm being honest, this was the most mentally checked out I had ever been in my life, so I don't remember much. I do remember being intensely confused and frustrated, taking it out on tinder as much as I could. Anything to feel beautiful again, because I felt anything but that.
๐ซ March 2020 ๐ซ
When I think about making great content while going through bad times... I always think of this day in particular. I just want to share this photo, but this wasn't even the best shot I got that day. A few days afterwards my whole world would be flipped upside down. I had seen it coming, but it was still scary, and I didn't know how I was going to make it through. But I'm a fucking badass. I don't care how bad things are, I'm going to struggle, and I'm going to look hot as fuck doing it.
๐ซ February 2020 ๐ซ
Some of the greatest photos I've taken have come from the worst of times. This was one of them. I don't talk about my health much, but it's a huge part of me. Everything hit and the world collapsed that year and coincidentally, so did I. The pain was unbearable and doctors quickly proved themselves useless to me. By the time February had hit, I finally found sturdy solace in one thing. Yoga. I've always struggled with my relationship with exercise. It all felt so out of reach and the idea of results were nothing but a hoax to me. Until I tried yoga out. I was already stretching daily for 6 months beforehand, so it was an easy habit to get into. Sitting on a computer full time, you'll have to start stretching your hips eventually. Stretching was one thing, but yoga is another. I couldn't believe how it made me feel. I was light on my feet, quick, and without getting lightheaded. My mood flipped. I looked like a completely different person in the first few weeks too. It's changed my entire perspective on life. I'm coming up on my 4 year anniversary now, and I still am shocked at how far I've come. More than anything though, I'm incredibly proud of myself.
๐ซ September 2019 ๐ซ
So many pics from the first year, but these ones really hit me. I don't look anything like that anymore. I have lots of intense feelings around my weight, and it's never what people assume. Of course there are changes that I'm glad happened, but overall, I miss this body so much. I didn't know what was coming, but I lost a lot of weight the coming winter, and I still have never put it back on. Looking at old photos like this inspire me, I never appreciated what I had until it was gone.
๐ซ July 2019 ๐ซ
The beginning of my Only fans! The slow season hit me by surprise my first year of camming. Traffic dropped off early June and I didn't anticipate it, so I frantically researched different ways of selling content, and everything pointed to OF. I was relieved, it felt like I could go back to the blog style posting I missed the most about my Tumblr. Porn has always been so personal to me, and having an outlet like this has been the ultimate expression. Of course I've always needed money to survive, and that was always my main motivator, but it was never about money to me. This is a lifestyle I crave and it'll be hard to take me away from all this.
๐ซ March 2019 ๐ซ
The photo that outed me. When I first started cam, I didn't have any dildos. I was always a vibrator girlie, didn't feel like I needed a dildo. I quickly learned that having several types of toys was essential for this work. So as I waited for my new toys to come in the mail, I would go to the grocery store every day, and buy a fresh new cucumber to vioIate. Say what you want, these shows were very popular and I did very well for myself in these times. I had posted some of this content on my abandoned Tumblr, advertising where you could still find me.. and I guess I had some lingerers from my past life still paying very close attention. Long story short, word travels fast, and this is how my family first found out I do sex work!! They've been supportive nonetheless, but obviously that's a conversation I wanted to have with them first.
(edit: the photo needs to be censored on OF)
๐ซ February 2019 ๐ซ
The beginning of my camming era. At this point in time I had an awful retail job, that I hated. My health started to deteriorate, and went undetected, so I had to sacrifice what littIe hours they would give me.. If they would even let me stay home. I didn't entirely understand what was happening, but I knew something needed to change. When the Tumblr ban finally hit, I was scrambling for new platforms to showcase my brand. I tried a few things out, but as soon as my account on stream mate was approved, I was sold. I patiently waited for my first cheque to come in the mail, and when the money finally hit my bank account, I drove straight to my job and handwrote my resignation in cursive with hearts dotting the eyes. I was thrilled to be free. No more selling makeup for me. I did this photoshoot just for my stream mate profile, just a week before I quit my job. One of the best decisions I have ever made for myself.
๐ซ October 2018 ๐ซ
Total dream girl. Too bad I didn't know it yet. For any tumblr users reading, you're probably getting nervous looking at the dates. For those who don't know, Tumblr banned porn in December of 2018. These were my final days posting on that app and I didn't even know it yet.. I'm glad it ended, it was a necessary transition that needed to get me to where I am now. At this point in my life I had moved provinces and lost contact with most of my family. I had no clue the journey of learning I had ahead of me, but I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I'm still glad I had sex work through these times. It was never even about the money, it reminded me of who I am and why I need to keep going.
๐ซ April 2018 ๐ซ
Now this photo was during the height of my Tumblr era. I had just made things official with my guy at the time and I felt on top of the world. It was my first serious relationship, excited was an understatement. Nobody had ever wanted to call me their girlfriend before, so it was a new territory for me, but I loved him very much. At this point in our relationship, every post I made on my blog was either a picture with him or a post where I wrote about him. If you also don't know, I used to market myself as a submissive. We aren't together anymore, so I am not going to share any pictures of him, but know he was there. He even took this photo. We had our differences and eventually drifted apart, and I don't think he will ever understand how important he once was to me.
๐ซ September 2017 ๐ซ
I mentioned last night that I was feeling like taking a break for the holidays this year. Instead of just leaving my feed dry for a couple weeks, I might as well post some throwbacks to reminisce on my time in this industry. For anyone who has followed me for a while, you probably know my roots are in Tumblr. I ran a sexy blog for my own entertainment, and I had naturally gathered a decent following when I started posting my own content. I had never felt more like myself on this blog, and that's when I knew I was fit to enter the industry. So even though I wasn't very good at it in the beginning, I started selling my own content through private DMs and paypaI. That was around the time this photo was taken, my humble beginning.
