Thank you all for your kind words and love during this difficult time in my life. This pain is one I wish no one ever had to feel. Losing Mac is the most painful thing, next to losing my dad. Mac was my best friend and quite honestly the one thing thats kept me genuinely alive for many many years. I miss them both so much. Please hug your loved ones and take in every moment you get with them while they’re here.
I’m so grateful for Finn right now, have been trying to spend time outside with him when it’s not raining here.
I want to get back to streaming, but have a few more things to finish with the category job before I do, and I need to get to a point where I don’t sob and breakdown at the mention of Mac before I feel comfortable being on camera again. I love yall and cannot thank you enough for being here 🩵
This last week has been one of the hardest. Medicines haven’t been helping and Mac has been progressing worse. I’ve had to make the hardest choice and schedule his euthanasia at home to ease him of this pain he’s in, not being able to breathe and to let him truly rest. I have to say goodbye to my best friend. He’s been with me for 13 years, through thick and thin. He’s been at my side through everything. And I know he’s made a difference in so many’s lives as well. Mac - you’ve been my rock, my anchor, my home.
We say our final goodbyes soon. For now, I’ll be cuddling him and telling him how loved he is and that he’s such a good boy. 💔
Mac Update: Had some X-rays done of his whole body and we’ve come to the conclusion that he has cancer in his lungs. He’s starting antibiotics to help prevent an infection, and transitioning to a steroid that we’re hoping can help ease the pressure his lungs are facing. He’s ultimately not getting as much oxygen as he should due to the cancer so we’re going to see his comfort levels and go from there.
I know I’ll have to say goodbye to him at some point. So long as he’s his spunky sassy self, we’ll put off our goodbyes. But I know it is coming. The vet doesn’t feel he’s at that point yet, so for now, we make him comfy, hope the meds help ease struggle, and give him unconditional love 🥺🩵
This month has been the worst I’ve seen Macs health. Just in the last 10 days he’s collapsed twice, had another believed seizure, and is he’s breathing hard with every movement he makes. I’ve been carrying him when I can help take the stress off his heart when coming in from outside. Tomorrow grandma (my moms) coming to see him and we’re going to take him to get X-rays (rather than go to a specialist for triple the cost and has a long wait list), to confirm our belief of congestive heart failure.
This has been the most painful month so far. I don’t want my sweet man struggling. Yesterday morning he collapsed, but recovered, was okay, played with Finn (took the videos yesterday) and he was his sassy self, and then he had a seizure late last night. I have videos but I’ll spare the triggering footage. It’s just so awful to see him struggle to do simple tasks, like getting up 3 steps from outside, or just the exhaustion he has from getting onto the bed with our little steps for him.
I know my time with him is coming to an end. I want to take him to the beach one more time, but I don’t even know if his heart would handle the walk there. It aches just knowing I have to say goodbye soon. I’m not sure if that’s in a few days, weeks or months, but I know his heart and body aren’t able to keep up any more 😔 my heart is fucking aching.
I’m sorry if I’m MIA here and there 😔 Mac’s health isn’t doing too well. He’s had 2 seizures, got put on anti-seizure meds and now collapses randomly from not being able to breathe (it’s happened 3 times thus far). Our vet recommended seeing a cardiologist.
Meanwhile, I’m working the inventory job (which I have to go back upstate to finish) and I got a dog sitting job for a sweet woman I met on a walking trail who’s dog gets along well with Finn.
It’s just been feeling incredibly all over the place along with some private matters. I’m feeling a lot of heartache right now, and the looming reality of how little my time with Mac is hitting hard. Ya girl is not ok (but I’ll be ok). Just need some time and to get some sort of balance in my days because right now it’s all over the place.
Past week has been busy busy busy. I’m in bed at 9pm trying to fall asleep because I gotta get up and work harder. Turns out this project will most likely be something I’ll have to come back to later this year to finish because I only have 4 days left and just discovered 50 more containers to go through and catalog.
First day in, my camera stopped working 🙃 (Waiting for a replacement lens), shower curtain fell and I was so nervous I was going to be screwed. Heh everything is good though! Slowly making my way through everything, getting quite the workout, eating delicious Filipino food, and once I’m clocked out, we sit down and play board games which has been such a nice change of pace. Being offline has been nice, but I do really miss streaming and REALLY miss my pups.
Mac has started his anti-seizure meds, it seems to zonk him out but he’s doing well. Just ready to be home with my babies.
I’ll be touch and go online for a bit longer, but love yall and hope you’re doing well 🥰🩵
I’m at a clients house for the next 9 days working so I will be a bit MIA 🩵 I can’t wait to finish this and be able to be home with my boys & work on stream things and stuff here 🥺
Mac has now had (as far as I’m aware of) 3 seizures in the past 6 months. My heart is aching. Just saw the vet today, came home, and after a couple of hours he had another one. I believe tomorrow morning I’ll be starting him on anti-seizure meds if we’re able to get an appointment with his doctor again.
My heart is aching so badly. I’m absolutely helpless and want to do nothing but be by his side now to make sure he’s not alone, doesn’t get hurt if he has another one and to monitor him. This is my baby. My best friend, and the reality of how limited our time is with him is hitting harder and harder each day. Please be patient with me.
Lil selfie dump😅 I haven’t had any days where I’ve taken pics of myself and have been trying to really take in as much time without makeup and off camera as I can, it’s been really nice to have.
Little reminder, I’ll be sharing things when I can - not daily updates but updates here and there. I can’t share too much from the actual job I’m working & honestly really want some privacy cause people are too damn demanding.
I’m going through a lot of personal shifts and trying to figure out where I want to go next and what is next for me. Patience is something I’ve been constantly trying to learn and I know many can benefit as well.
I’ve been wanting to be done with this job so I can start focusing on stream things and content. When I have down time right now, I don’t want to feel a pressure to post or make things - this time is to finish this job and try to refocus what I want and to enjoy making content on my own time, not to feel additional pressure to “fill people’s needs”.
I hope you’ve been well 🥰
Snow days, puppy cuddles and pupper cuteness 🥰 Have to go away again for a couple days and I wanna soak up all the pup time I can. Being away from them makes me realize how much I genuinely need them. My breakdown counter has been immensely higher when I’m away from them 🥺 LOOK AT THESE SWEET BABIES
Had one day I got to spend with family, saw my sister and a nephew, then drove out to Brooklyn NYC with my mom to meet with her best friend who treated us to some truly delicious things from Cebu. I’m just glad I got to spend some time without distractions (mostly) with my momma, who’s been rocking wigs lately heh
My lord the last two weeks since my last stream have been go go go and I feel pulled from ALL ends. I’ve been clearing out a room full of thousands of sports things, working on the inventory, packing and all sorts. I haven’t had a *moment* for me to breathe, and when it’s down time, I’m being pulled in all directions with family, relationships and all sorts.
I’m finally home home for a tiny bit but heading back up Saturday. This week I have to do online work for the job, take care of my boys and try to have really emotionally tolling conversations with loved ones & balance out some life things like general life maintenance 😵💫 Ya girl feels so goddamn exhausted from all the things.
(The room shown was filled from floor to ceiling on all walls, I’ve been breaking it all down and taking a lot of photographs and more)
It’s sooooo cold here but the pups got some snow and I’m happy I was able to get home safely to be able to see them enjoy it 🥰
🍑 Happy Hump Day 🍑
🤭 So many have requested to see the extras, just some little peachy views. The second pic is a bit out of my comfort zone but it’s time to appreciate the peach 🥵
#fyp #bubblebutt #bootypics #peachy
So never let me “treat myself” again 😵💫 Pedicure was lovely, but the nails… 😬 They’re not terrible but they’re not what I was envisioning 😬😅 whatcha think? 😅
Excited to have a 8+hr new years eve stream tonight! Ringing in the new year with my twitch community tonight around 5pm ET 🥳🩵
2024 is JUST around the corner. New year, new me and all that shit. Help me decide, do I go actually get someone else to do my nails for me, or try and do them myself? AND what color should I go with for my hands and toes 👀💅🏻 I need color ideas! I always lean to neutral/basic shit.
If I do them myself, I have clear, nude, grey, and a pinkish color (idk if I have enough black sparkle). Toes would probably be white.
If I get them done (and get a full set of nails) I have the whole world of options! So if there’s anything fun you think would be cute, send me pics or ideas!!
Hope the holidays have been kind 😘🎄✨ Here’s a little pj peach pic 🍑 for those who enjoy a little peach from time to time.
Haven’t had a moment to really rest and work on anything for you all, but I may have a few more fun peach shots I may share with you soon 🤔
Little updates. I feel like my days are a blur. Been spending whatever time I can manage in little bursts up at a time (typically Sun-Weds) working on a job back towards where I grew up. Lots of driving back and forth to stay at my moms (2.5hrs each time back and forth) while driving to the clients house. It’s been nice though, taking a break from being on camera and streaming. For those that don’t know; I took on a job where I’m cataloging, photographing, pricing, labeling, storing etc a bunch of sports memorabilia which has been fun and interesting. It’s a job that will take a while, and I will have to take a trip to Florida to their other property to work on what they have there in February.
Mac is officially 13 🥹 He has his 6month check up tomorrow and I’m just so anxious with everything and the limited time I know I have. I really want to create a little puppy bucket list for him - that he can manage with his arthritis.
My lower back is owie, Pilates has been great when I’m able to go, and just trying to survive and do what I can each day.
I hope yall are well 🥰 and thank you I’m so much for all the love on the set I dropped around my birthday 🩵
LOVE YA 🥰
Just a little notice: At SOME point I have to upload all my previous sets I posted on Fanhouse here for you all 🩵 I’m not quite sure how I’ll handle the posts, but hoping to get some oldies up here for those that haven’t seen some fun sets from the Fanhouse times 🤔
Spending the week working on a little inventory job. This past week we celebrated my bday, I moved my office around a smidge again, and spent time with these cute pups 🥰
I hope you have a good week!!
It's finally here as a little birthday present from me to you 🎁 A very fun flattering formal dress that shows off the girls 🍒 💝 Check my comment down below for a few unlocked 🥰
💝 First bundle are my favorites (20 pics)
💝 Second is a very 🍒 delicious group of pics that show off some goods 🍒 (10 pics)
💝 Third is a little artsy twist I tried (very subtly) (5 pics)
My birthday is this Thursday (Nov 23) and I'll be having a little birthday bash on Saturday (Nov 25) to celebrate on stream. If you're feeling extra kind, all are able to send some goodies via my Throne Wishlist - https://throne.com/pirategray #fyp
I hope you enjoy these 🥰🍒 💝
Black sparkles won! Still learning how to do my own nails nicely (also have hecking ugly hands for hand modeling) but proud of the set of nails, was the cleanest I’ve done.
Choose my polish for the next little set I hope to get for ya’ll soon 🩵 it’s a busty burgandy dress 👀
Been working on my call of duty mwiii playthrough series for YouTube and hope to do my own nails tonight to maaaaaybe take some pictures this week for yall 🥰
Fiiiinally home (for one day before taking another day trip Saturday to the catalog job for a reunion to take photos for them) 😮💨 Here’s some photos from today!! And our new shower 😍
Last couple of days have been hectic, shuffling two dogs around, seeing family I haven’t seen in a decade, celebrating my sisters birthday, seeing my little brother for the last time till May, just a whole lot.
While I was away for my cousins wedding, my landlord was super kind and had our shower redone (we had some tiles loose, faucet leaky, and just a couple things that we’ve had issues with) so we are getting a whole new bathroom, or so it feels. They installed a ventilation system, redid all of the tile and fixed up faucets AND repainted the room a gorgeous grey blue. Friggin love the color and want to paint the whole house it, but that’s a whole undertaking to do 😅 so I’ll just enjoy it in the bathroom.
The gentlemen’s coming back to finish up some final details this coming week, so I’ll have to have a bunch of stuff out of my office closet to access some things. Which unfortunately means my office is entirely messy with all the junk we have so I’ll have to have a lil no cam stream for the one day I’m home this week but will be back to normal streams next week and cannot wait!
While away, we took Finn on some walks, he got to play with a new friend, went to doggy parks and Mac got some snuggles from his grandma and uncle Chance 🥰 It was so lovely. I realize how much I miss living in Central Jersey. One day I’ll buy a house up that way - but only once the dang market CHILLS.
Anyways. I’m heading to sleep for the night. Can’t wait for the bathroom to be fully finished so we can put everything back in place and I can do a full self care bath in the ”new” bathroom🥰😍🥰
Little photo dump of what I managed to take pics of from the wedding this weekend 🩵 Tried to stay more present and enjoy the time with family I don’t get to see often. They’re not family by blood, but family by bond. It’s been since my dad’s memorial since I’ve seen all of the family here, and it felt so good to be with them.
I opted with a simple dress but want to show off a different dress once I get a moment to take some photos.
It feels like everything is super hectic right now. Wedding. Getting a new shower. Streams. Catalog job is about to actually pick up. My 31st birthday. Holidays. So bare with me while I try to manage my time and hopefully after this week, start to really seriously take on health and body weight cause ya girl is NOT comfortable in my skin, worse than before surgery. 😅🩵
Spent some time visiting my mom, shopping a rummage sale with Finn at my side and ate some yummy ass stir fry.
Going through the photos on my phone and I have sooooo many selfies >.< there’s probably so many that look the same. Should I do a big ol selfie dump?
